it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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