I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
