Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
