I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
