In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
