dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
