the condom got lost in my hair
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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