i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I AM VODKA MAN
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
