Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
