I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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