my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
