She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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