Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
