There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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