Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
