A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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