let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
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Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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