I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Randomize
