finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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