Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
