He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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