Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I love black thongs
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
