Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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