I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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