Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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