Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
