she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
