By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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