where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
