Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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