11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
