My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's always time for handjobs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
