Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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