He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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