I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
