i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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