Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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