If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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