haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
