just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
