i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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