Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I want to make a zoo with you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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