Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
