There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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