I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
