I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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