Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
