it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
