Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
