He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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