Christians are straight up FREAKS
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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