had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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