That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
