well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
