And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
