I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we should paint friendship bongs
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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