no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
