I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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