Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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