I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
