your thong is hanging out like whoa
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
