The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
