I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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