Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
